Never say words you'll regret...for they may be the last

[G.O.D]

Never say words you'll regret...for they may be the last words a person will hear from you. I never thought this to be true. Yet...it has happened to me.

My ex-gf from a couple years ago, Angi, (before I met Jasmine/Night Angel) passesd away 7 months ago (I just found out recently) from heart failure. The last words I saw to her when we broke up were "I hate you, and I never want to talk to you again".

I guess I should explain why we broke up too..well Angi wasn't like most girls. She had been abused by her father, raped by people, and generally destroyed. She'd be about 22-23 now..but her education was stuck around a 9th grade level due to brain damage.

Her experiences made her give up hope in life. She tried to kill herself many times and her brother stopped most of her attempts or brought her to a hospital. The only people she had were some close friends she met online and me. One day she asked me if I would be her boyfriend. I asked her why, why would you ask me? She told me it was because I was nice and sweet to her. I was still doubtful mainly because I had never been in a relationship before so I asked her what if I said no. She told me she would kill herself. She wasn't the type to just talk too..she had plenty of previous attempts to back it up..

So I agreed and for about a year we were a pretty good couple. She taught me how to care for others no matter what they do, how fighting was bad, and so much more that Jasmine probably sees in me. But things soon turned sour. Angi was never actually stable, she would have mood swings that turned what little happiness she had to destruction. I became paranoid of other guys who Angi were friends with. I saw them as out to hurt her and our relationship so I began snapping at them and her.

Angi gradually grew more and more suicidal each day and my attempts to stop her were growing ineffective. As well our relationship was close to the breaking point and I was going out of my mind trying to save her and us.

But it broke one day and she couldn't take the pain anymore. I had gone from someone she could turn to cry on to someone who added to her pain. She and I broke up and I told her "I hate you, I hope you die, I never want to talk to you again".

We did wind up talking..she asked if I truely meant that..pleading with me to take it back because she hated herself for turning someone she loved into a person that despised her. But I kept my stance, my anger blinding me and fueling me with more anger.

We lost touch then..and I built myself a wall to hide behind. I felt like I had been betrayed and it hurt so much. I never wanted to feel this agony again.

Several years later I met Jasmine on thebitching and we talked on there, later on MSN. Then later on the phone..she made me smile, she broke the wall down and I asked her to be my gf.

But that's another story..

Recently I've found out from one of my girl friends that something happened to Angi. This was the first time in a while I've heard someone mention that name to me..so I asked her what. She told me Angi had passed away 7 months ago from heart failure..

So now I sit, regretting those harsh words I said to her. Wishing I could take them back. I hate myself for knowing I added to the already immense pain in her heart. I wish I could've been there for her last moments.

Angi, wherever you are I'm sure it's a better place then what life cruely decided to grant you. I thank you and love you for teaching me so much. You truely had an impact on me and I would take back what I said if I could.

[Jean Pool]

they say that more people die of hear break, sounds like it's true in this case. Sad.

[G.O.D]

Yeah...I guess her heart couldn't take living anymore from all her distress..

[Lonely Black Heart]

I guess that it just makes me glad for the people that I do have still. It makes you value life a whole lot more.